Father, Who Am I?

Psalm 139

1 Lord, you have searched me and known me. (God believes we are worth the effort ... stop believing the lie that you are not).  2 You know when I sit down and when I stand up; you understand my thoughts from far away (I don't even like all my thoughts and still You love me).  3 You observe my travels and my rest; you are aware of all my ways (yes, Father knows when you go and what you do on vacation)  4 Before a word is on my tongue, you know all about it, Lord.  5 You have encircled me; you have placed your hand on me (He holds my hand, sometimes I hide under His wing, other times I just lay my head on His knee and cry).  6 This wondrous knowledge is beyond me.  

It is lofty; I am unable to reach it.  He is Holy!

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7 Where can I go to escape your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?  8 If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there. 9 If I fly on the wings of the dawn and settle down on the western horizon,  10 even there your hand will lead me; your right hand will hold on to me.  11 If I say, “Surely the darkness (physical, emotional or spiritual ... the alcohol, drugs, sex, gaming, helps/makes me relax, kewl, gives me courage, takes away the pain, gives me purpose ... fill in the blank) will hide me, and the light around me will be night”—  12 even the darkness is not dark to you.  The night shines like the day; darkness and light are alike to you.

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13 For it was you who created my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  14 I will praise you
because I have been remarkably and wondrously made.  Your works are wondrous, and I know this very well.  One of my grandsons said to me when he was small, 'Grandma, God made my feet big and boxy because He knew I would need them to stand.' 'nough said!  15 My bones were not hidden from you when I was made in secret, when I was formed in the depths of the earth.  16 Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written in your book and planned before a single one of them began.  17 God, how precious your thoughts are to me; how vast their sum is!  (It is worth investing your thoughts in pondering the Word, sitting and listening for His/Holy Spirit's 'voice' ... I hear in 'impressions') 18 If I counted them, they would outnumber the grains of sand; when I wake up, I am still with you.

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19 God, if only you would kill the wicked—you bloodthirsty men, stay away from me—20 who invoke you deceitfully.  Your enemies swear by you falsely.  21 Lord, don’t I hate those who hate you, and detest those who rebel against you? 22 I hate them with extreme hatred; I consider them my enemies.  I found myself surprised by this portion of scripture.  I believe I am called to hate the sin and not the sinner.  And who am I but a sinner covered in the blood of Jesus.  It was not my sacrifice but His.  

23 Search me, God, and know my heart; Even though my “heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” Jeremiah 17:9 Father does and still finds me valuable.  I am worthy because He has made me so. 'test me and know my concerns.'  24 See if there is any offensive way in me; lead me in the everlasting way.  It is my heart's desire to have God's desires be my own.  He wants me to be successful in fulfilling the purpose I was designed for.  If he tests me, he reveals to me my weaknesses and strengths.  He also reveals Himself to me, in His faithfulness, mercy, grace, love, compassion, etc.

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